is procreate worth the money? im not doing to good on ibis paint anymore, its more like ibis pain. ive never paid for a art app so id like to know if its good, i dont have a drawing tablet or anything only a phone so id doubt its worth it for just a phone. I'm just wondering if its any good because it seems overally complicated and my brain doesnt work with overly complicated things.

also today i sort of ran out of meds so i hope i dont have an episode today because my phones already annoyed me to the point i went back to sleep to avoid me getting worse. hopefully i can get more tomorrow. If i get refunded for this fursuit commision i might try find someone else who can make avery for me. avery has been my main sona for so long and i really want her as a suit because she is one of the main things thats kept me sane these past few years, writing her own story and her personality makes me feel better about myself because shes just me but as a purple female wolf. maybe im insane but i just love the sona in general.

i commisioned a custom pillow for her (not a body one ew.) and she looks so cute already, i dont usually pay for these types of things because i think its not worth the money, but i like pillows so id use it in my daily life (to sleep on and to probably hug at night) i really want a plushie of avery just so i can hug something at night that means alot to me. not many things mean alot to me so im glad something does. I have a similar plush to my cat mimi, its really cute and fluffy. I got it second hand though so i dont know where its been but its been washed.. it was worth it for a cheaper build a bear anyway. As far as i know its in good condition so i doubt anything bad has been done to it. maybe im overthinking but people are weird to inanimate objects.

TW sh

i got so annoyed last night probably reason why i forgot to plug my phone on charge and went straight to sleep leading me to more issues, i was just on my laptop and my friend out of no where was acting hostile to me and making me severly upset which resulted in SH which i regret because i was just reading everything in the wrong tone and it was all my fault in the end i was the one being hostile and they were just trying to be nice but now as i read some things back they still make me upset but i cant put my finger on why im upset about it, maybe its because they enjoy talking to their other friends more, they talk different to me then their other friends i feel like im spoke down upon because im different or something maybe if i was to have something that would make them like me more maybe i could be included in thee things that im not. i get so jealous when my friends talk to other people and i dont know why, its just so unhealthy and i end up procrastinating about everything and then i end up harming myself because of it.

im using newgrounds as a weird diary thing, maybe someone would help even if your a random stranger some words may help me.